Do you ever stop and think, "I don't need this added stress?"
Do you ever sign up for something and then immediately regret it?
I do. All the time. Why? Perhaps I have decision making issues. Perhaps I'm scared. Perhaps it's a bit of both.
I felt that way about the 21*5*800 Challenge. I signed up Friday. I blogged about it yesterday. Last night I thought, "This is crazy. You never finish these things. Why bother doing another?"
And this morning, I wrote 1100 + words. The most I've written in one sitting (aside from emails and blog posts) in a very long time. I'm going to be gentle with myself. My body is demanding it and I am finally listening. I'll be writing stream of consciousness style for these 21 days. I won't post the entire piece (stream of consciousness is never pretty) but I may post a few glimmers along the way. As for the yoga part, I'll be doing mostly Savasana. As I said, my body is demanding I be gentle with it. I've gone against that before (read: most of my life). It's not very smart to deny yourself rest when your body is begging for it. Not smart at all.
As I was spurting out words this afternoon, I began to feel a lightening in my spirit. I've carried so much junk around with me for so long: fear, confusion, double-mindedness. The book of James likens a double-minded man as being tossed "to and fro upon the waves". That's how I feel. Back and forth, back and forth, up and down, in and out. Inside out. Perhaps now I'm willing to listen. Or perhaps the stream of consciousness won't allow my inner critic the chance to edit and, you know, critique! That's a good thing. I got some things out on the table. I may work with it some more. Maybe a poem's hiding in there. Who knows?
Have you ever tried stream of consciousness writing? Did you end up with anything other than pages full of typos? Just curious.