"The only difference between a rut and a grave
is there dimensions." ~ Ellen Glasgow
I have talked a lot about change it seems. Just about every week I'm posting something about it. It would be safe to assume that I need to implement some changes in my life.
There is nothing wrong with change. Change is often for the best. At least, the kind you go looking for is. We've had a few changes lately. Jon got a job (hallelujah!), and while it's not "the" job, it's something until he can find it (whatever "the" job may be). He'll be working afternoons and early evenings which is strange because I work 8:30 -5 and he won't be getting home until around 9 or 11 most nights. But it's for the best: we've been needing two incomes for a while now.
I'm writing a script starting next week. That's a huge change! One I'm welcoming and excited about. I've decided on an original story and we'll see how it turns out, crossing from novel to screenplay in a matter of 30 days.
My other writing is changing as well. I've made strides in that I realize I've been holding myself back for fear of being misunderstood. For the fear of no one "getting" it and it never getting out there on the shelves. But a decision based on fear is never the right decision. Over the next 30 days I'll be wide open, letting it all pour out, being held together by this new structure called "script".
"The birds are molting. If only man could molt also -
his mind once a year its errors, his heart once a year
its useless passions." ~ James Allen
Perhaps this quote sums up what I'm feeling lately. Ever feel like you could crawl out of your skin? That's how I've felt for years. It's been building and building until recently I've just wanted to scream! Claw my skin until I am able to shed it like a snake. Problem: shedding skin takes away the protective layer that's built up callouses and been hardened to weather and work. Tender new growth is painful and sensitive and not in the mood to be stretched. And dear friends, I am being stretched.
But it's good. Very good. It has been a long time coming. The only way for it to be implemented is to focus, to cast off the distraction and run my race no matter how painful it may be to begin with. I need discipline to recover my passion for writing and for creating, something that has been sorely missed for several years now. And the only way I know how to do it is to take a break.
I know. I've taken breaks here recently. I took a long one around Thanksgiving and Christmas. Two weeks, if I remember correctly. This time, however, it's going to be a bit longer. I'm unplugging for the entire month of April. Starting Monday (the 29th of March) through the 3rd of May. I'll be back on 4 May and I'm excited to see what changes have been wrought.
I will miss you, dear friends, but this is something I must do for myself. One of my favorite scriptures is Hebrews 12:1. "Strip off every weight and encumbrance which does so easily distract and run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that has been set before us." It has come to my attention that, despite my best efforts, I have still be trying to run someone else's race. It's so easy to do. We see other races, those that look so much better, easier, nicer than ours. We change lanes only to stumble and wonder why. The path wasn't made for you. And I'm standing on my own path again, waiting eagerly for the pistol to sound. I'll probably start at a swift walk. I've never been much of a runner. Maybe I can kayak the race sent before me?
"We all have big changes in our lives
that are more or less a second chance." ~ Harrison Ford
All I ask of you, dear friends, are your prayers while I'm reclaiming this path of mine and your smiling faces when I return! I wish you all the best of April. Happy Easter, happy spring. I'm looking forward to catching up in May. Until then, in the words of Garrison Keillor, "Be well, do good work, and keep in touch."
Vive la revolucion!
"Stand at the crossroads and look, ask for the ancient paths
and there you will find peace for your soul." ~ Jeremiah 6:16